
Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive. Star Wars has WAY
cooler action figure potential. Yoda could use the Force to lift
Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom
fighter, and Jedimaterial; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw
better parties than either first class or steerage. When flying
towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that
thing!" and really mean it. It would be much scarier to get chased
around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed
to a handgun. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as
sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting
bug-eyedamphibians to Admiral. Said bug-eyed amphibious
Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship. We know Cal is the bad
guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like
property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he
strangles people and blows up planets for fun. Yeah, Leo can
dance, but can he fly an X-wing? Rose braves icy water to rescue
her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt. Two words: John Williams.
There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars. Do you know
what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"? If
Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he
would use the Force to get the key. "I'd rather be his whore than
your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a
Wookie." Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall
ornament. Leo simply freezes. We knew the boat was gonna sink.
But who could've anticipated "Luke... I am your father"? Han
Solo would've missed the darn iceberg!
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|